Carlos Boozer Wants More Than Anything to Remain with the Utah Jazz

SALT LAKE CITY - According to his most recent interviews, Carlos Boozer has expressed his desire to remain a player with the Utah Jazz. For real. No, seriously.

His comments were made during the Jazz end-of-season locker clean out session. Reporters almost missed the opportunity to speak to the veteran forward as Boozer was halfway into a luxury SUV on its way to the airport when the press arrived for the event. It was later learned that Boozer’s exit had been hastened due to the fact that he had cleaned out his locker sometime after Game 2 of Utah’s playoff series with the Los Angeles Lakers.


Boozer was incredulous when asked if he was looking to move to another team. “Of course I want to stay with the Jazz. Where else am I going to be able to spend half of the season off in Miami?”


While Boozer says he looks forward to continued time with the Jazz, he regrets that some things have changed. “On payday, I used to take this mask and toy gun and go up to [recently deceased Jazz owner] Larry [Miller]’s office and be all like, ‘Put the money in the bag, [expletive]!!’ and we’d all have a good laugh about that. Those days are gone, though.”


Audio analysis of Boozer’s stated desire to remain with the Jazz yielded interesting results. Experts at the International Center for Audio and Linguistic Learning and Brogue Studies (ICALLBS), placed Boozers comments at 32.34 on the Burggenheimer Sincerity Scale. This is slightly more sincere than smiling when agreeing to go on a blind date with the desperate friend of a sibling (male or female), but just behind comments such as, “I think Dr. Phil has some great insights into human behavior”.


Boozer has until June 30 to decide if he wants to opt out of the final year of his contract with the Jazz.